The Scathing Atheist - 534: Un-Conscience Edition Transcript and Discussion (2024)

Starting point is 00:00:00 Warning, the following podcast contains the f*ck out of some profanity. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by HelloFresh, ZipRecruiter, and by the new candy for whoever the f*ck eats Necco wafers, Just Chalk. Just Chalk. Because otherwise, you're just paying somebody to lie to you. And now, The Scathing Atheist. The lackadaisical poet here to remind you that we did indeed evolve from filthy monkey freaks. It's Thursday.

Starting point is 00:00:52 It's May 11th. And it's National Twilight Zone Day. Binghamton native Rod Sterling, baby. That's right, listener. Eli swapped around the intro just so he could shout out Rod Sterling. It's important. No. It's important. No. It's not.

Starting point is 00:01:07 I have no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from Dennis Rodman's New Jersey, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Waycross, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, Iran will officially mark themselves as a spoiler for America's future. King Charles III has a farcical land-based ceremony to avoid looking silly. And we'll learn what Dennis Prager has instead of a conscience.

Starting point is 00:01:33 But first, the diatribe. Well, another day, another mass shooting, as is the way with America. And this one happened in Texas, so if nothing else, it really puts a damper on that whole good guy with a gun fantasy, doesn't it? But of course, this is a show about atheism, not a show about gun control. So I'll skip over all the really obvious and verifiable arguments in favor of a massive overhaul of our current everyone-has-a-right-to-a-John-Wick-basem*nt-worth-a-death-machines policies, obvious and verifiable arguments in favor of a massive overhaul of our current everyone has a right to a John Wick basem*nts worth of death machines policies. And we'll just skip straight to the thoughts and prayers that come afterwards. See, inevitably, in the wake of this, America's

Starting point is 00:02:17 199th mass shooting of the year so far, depending on how you count it, it might actually be more than that. Polit politicians whose job it is to actually do something about it instead called for thoughts and prayers. Although, if those prayers aren't for those specific politicians to do something about it, I don't know what the f*ck

Starting point is 00:02:36 everybody's praying for, for bullets to start turning into butterflies mid-flight. Anyway, having heard that same bullsh*t deflection at least 198 times this year already, Americans were ready to push back, and we did. Before they could even mutter the words, we were shouting them down with a reminder that we're sick and f*cking tired of calls for wishing

Starting point is 00:02:55 plus magical wishing in the wake of tragedy. Even American media, cowed as it perpetually is to the fragile sensibilities of Christians, push back against this sh*t. In the wake of this Texas shooting, CNN host Paula Reid interviewed Keith Self, that's the Republican congressman who represents the district where the massacre happened, and she put it to him directly. As soon as he tried to hide behind prayers,

Starting point is 00:03:17 Reid asked him how he would respond to people who said prayers aren't enough. And his diatribe-worthy response started, quote, well, those are people who don't believe in an almighty God who is absolutely in control of our lives. I'm a Christian. I believe that he is, end quote.

Starting point is 00:03:35 So first of all, yes. So f*cking what? You haven't answered the criticism. You've just restated half of the premise. But secondly, in addition to yes, no. you haven't answered the criticism you've just restated half of the premise but secondly in addition to yes no while you and me are no doubt people who don't believe in an almighty god who's in control of our f*cking lives that's not true of all the people that are asking self to do more than ask his invisible friend to up his game hell most of those people most of the people taking

Starting point is 00:04:03 issue with that response believe in an almighty God. And even they have to admit that when it comes to preventing mass shootings in America, he could really use some help from the f*cking legislature. But third, and most importantly, consider the degree that you have to misinterpret the criticism to get there. People who are coming out against his thoughts and prayers bullsh*t, we're not taking issue with prayer. I mean, I not taking issue with prayer. I mean, I do take issue with prayer, but it's a completely different issue. But to think that the problem we have is that you're praying

Starting point is 00:04:31 would mean you'd have to simultaneously believe that we're mad at you for thinking. When people point out how useless thoughts and prayers are to the victims of mass shootings, they're not coming out against prayers any more than they're coming out against thoughts. And what we're saying is do more. And by more, we really mean anything at f*cking all at this point. But of course, self isn't going to do any of that. Instead, he's going to jump at every opportunity to turn this into some us versus them culture war bullsh*t about persecuting Christians just as soon as he can think of a way to make fewer random massacres sound woke. So after taking umbrage at the very suggestion that wishing in his head wasn't a viable and

Starting point is 00:05:10 sufficient public safety strategy, he said, quote, prayer is powerful in the lives of those people that are devastated, as though telling a congressman that prayer wasn't enough was the same as telling the Christian family members of those victims to stop praying. And as if he hadn't sufficiently tipped his hand at that point, he added, quote, I know people want to make this political, but prayers are important and they are powerful in the families who are devastated right now, end quote. So it's either prayers or politics. Choose a f*cking side. But even Christians know that dichotomy is bullsh*t.

Starting point is 00:05:44 Some of them do, at least. I think my own senator and the politician I've personally donated more money to than any other pastor, Raphael Warnock, summarized it pretty goddamn well. He chimed in on the controversy around self-obfuscating bullsh*t with a statement that read, quote, as a pastor, I'm praying for those who are affected by this tragedy, but I hasten to say that thoughts and prayers are not enough. In fact, it is a contradiction to say that you are thinking and praying and then do nothing. It is to make a mockery of prayer. It is to trivialize faith.

Starting point is 00:06:16 We pray not only with our lips, we pray with our legs. We pray by taking action, end quote. And look, I can't obviously agree with that statement. Prayer makes a mockery of itself. Faith couldn't be more trivial. And saying that we pray by taking action is the same as saying that we take action by taking action. But it's a strong indicator that you don't need to be an atheist to see the problem with self's response. And strangely enough, you apparently don't have to be an atheist to admit that prayers don't do sh*t. They're talking about you, Jesus.

Starting point is 00:06:50 We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the Din and Nehru to my Ferrari, Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick fellas. Are you ready to appoint a hero? Okay, I feel like it's getting sexual now with the Zelda stuff. Like, really sexual. Yeah, now is that because he's done Zelda two shows in a row or because we can see his erection, Heathen, right? Yes. It's very getting sexual.

Starting point is 00:07:12 But here's the thing is that, like, speaking of things that make me erect, is a bad segue into the Matreon plug, and that's where I have to go. Is it? Yeah, it's fair, yeah. But, yes, listeners, it's May once again, so we're asking you to go to patreon.com slash scathingatheist, even louder than we normally ask you to do that,

Starting point is 00:07:30 to help keep our show going for another year. You get early access to longer episodes. You get behind-the-scenes stuff. You get extra headlines some weeks. You get access to our annual patron-only pajama party livestream, and you get the satisfaction of knowing that, to some degree, this show is your fault. So head over to patreon.com slash scathingatheist and pledge as little as a dollar an episode

Starting point is 00:07:50 and as much as significantly more than that. And speaking of how we pay the bills, it's time for a word from our first sponsor this week, HelloFresh. Dude, it's time for the HelloFresh ad. Where is Heath? I don't know. He said something about working on his own project.

Starting point is 00:08:07 Well, he better hurry up. Gentlemen. Gentlemen, may I present to you the latest and greatest food-ism. I got Jell-O. You got Jell-O. You're lying, you stupid fool. This is Jell-O? You got Jell-O? Eli, you stupid fool. This is Jell-O Fresh. I'm sorry, Jell-O Fresh?

Starting point is 00:08:31 Yes. You know how HelloFresh delivers delivers HelloFresh delivers farm-fresh pre-portioned ingredients and seasoned recipes right to your doorstep so you can skip trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable. That's why it's America's number one

Starting point is 00:08:48 meal kit. Meal kit. Yep. And with Jell-O Fresh, I put all the food in Jell-O shots and you just slur them up. Oh. Okay. But Keith, HelloFresh does more than just delicious dinners. Not only can you take your pick from 40 weekly recipes, but you can choose from over 100 items to round out your order, from snacks and easy lunches to desserts and pantry necessities. Everything arrives in one box on a delivery day that you choose. Yeah, well, this

Starting point is 00:09:15 Jell-O is HelloFresh Jell-O? Um, no. No, it's not exactly. But Heath, this May, HelloFresh is celebrating Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month. Try limited time authentic recipes created in partnership with Chef Serby Sani of New York's Tagmo restaurant and enjoy a cultural taste tour in your own kitchen. Oh, YF College. Super nice.

Starting point is 00:09:41 It's true. HelloFresh sent us a box to try and the food was amazing and it unpacked in seconds. That's why I, Eli Bosnick, personally endorse it as a product. I am sold. We're a snap. No, Heath, you're doing the jello thing. Right. No, never mind.

Starting point is 00:09:57 Cancel that. Just go to HelloFresh.com slash scathing16 and use the code scathing16 for 16 free meals plus free shipping that's right just go to hellofresh.com scathing16 and use code scathing16 for 16 free meals plus free shipping nice all right thanks guys no no let me touch your dentures no gross let me touch them okay upstairs you won't even let me. I know, buddy. I know. Teeth. And now, back to the headlines.

Starting point is 00:10:37 In our lead story tonight, in nobody's coming to save the king news, God doesn't exist, and the UK is one of the most secular countries on the planet, and the king sucks. Yep. secular countries on the planet, and the king sucks. Yep. But despite all that, the coronation of King Charles III last weekend was an absurd

Starting point is 00:10:49 hundred million pound Christian sorcery party sponsored by, apparently, a mystical apothecary shop with a colonialism theme. They should stop doing all of that.

Starting point is 00:11:02 Yeah, look, if they had piled one more f*cking item on that dude they'd have crushed him to death and we'd have had to start all over first everyone complains that a bunch of british old people froze to death this winter now they're putting too much stuff on an old guy you people are impossible to please impossible okay so maybe you're wondering how religious is it really well how religious is it really? Well, let's start. How religious is it?

Starting point is 00:11:25 Great question. Let's start with the Proclamation of Accession. I don't get it. Which was recited when the Queen died and Charles took over last year. The official proclamation was read aloud in London, Edinburgh, Cardiff, and Hillsborough, and a whole bunch of other cities and towns across the realms. Also, they say things like across the realms. Stop that too. So according to that proclamation, the UK has a divinely chosen monarch who rules quote by the grace of God. And the proclamation started by politely acknowledging

Starting point is 00:11:58 that God murdered the queen exact words, whereas it has pleased almighty god to call to his mercy our late sovereign lady queen elizabeth ii and and from there they beseech god to bless king charles which is a big ask i'd say and the very first official utterance out of his mouth after taking over last year was an oath with a bible in his hand that he solemnly swears to maintain the presbyterian government of the church of scotland that's his first thing yeah just because there are no good reasons for monarchy doesn't mean that there aren't especially bad ones yeah can we get him like a 70 year old false staff i feel like he just needs a Falstaff, right? Shape right up.

Starting point is 00:12:46 And that brings us to the coronation ceremony from last week, which was absolutely absurd. The whole thing is directly modeled on the crowning of Israelite kings from the Old Testament. And there's a very important, very long, very serious list of magical items. very long, very serious list of magical items. The biggest and most prominent is the Coronation Throne, or King Edward's Chair. It's a chair. It's a chair.

Starting point is 00:13:16 But it's held up by golden lions. And the chair looks extremely uncomfortable, like the worst chair at a party that you got stuck with. Yeah, and look, at the very least, he should have had to do a series of side quests and bring them all to the items together in westminster abbey before he could become king or something no you gotta let the zelda references go do you talk about your baby all the time all the time it's true exhausting and that brings us to the stone of destiny also known as the Stone of Scone or the Stone of Scone, I guess. It's just a big rock.

Starting point is 00:13:51 It's a big rock with very mysterious iron rings on each side. And nobody knows why. Historians can't decide. But it somehow contains part of the magic, especially the part about owning Scotland. So they use it for every coronation. It goes under the magic uncomfortable chair, and the chair magic doesn't work without the rock magic.

Starting point is 00:14:12 It was kept in Westminster Abbey for centuries, until a group of delightful Scottish students managed to steal it on Christmas Day of 1950. But England eventually got it back in 1952, and then in 1996, P., PM John Major moved it permanently to Edinburgh Castle. Except when England needs it back to do the magic monarch party.

Starting point is 00:14:35 Like last week. I mean, when it confers ownership of Scotland, it feels more of like a hot potato situation. But you know what? Go off, Big C. Go off. Next up, we have three items that all go together in order to become the monarch you got to get oiled up which makes sense i guess lots of people i'd describe as dry taking throne across history so they get anointed with a magical oil, poured from a magical golden bird, and into a magical golden spoon.

Starting point is 00:15:11 The spoon is an old spoon. Like a nice one, but that's it. It's an old spoon. It's not like they had it lying around deep. They didn't rush to the silver drawer the day of to be like, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, spoon. I think they lost it for a while cromwell like melted down a bunch of their gold and gave away the spoon somebody eventually got it back to them so that's the spoon and the golden bird it's called the ampulla

Starting point is 00:15:34 which holds the oil it's based on a legend that says the virgin mary appeared before saint thomas beckett and offered him a golden eagle and some oil. So about 300 years later, they made a golden cruet with a hole in the beak to pour the oil into the spoon magically. Right. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:15:56 And remember, guys, no matter how oiled up the monarch is, you should also apply lube to the national asshole before you go any further. Both should be lubed. Smart. No such thing as too much. Thank you, Noah.

Starting point is 00:16:08 Heath has sullied our podcast with subpar anal sex advice as metaphor for far too long. For far too long. I feel like it was good advice. And of course, the official coronation oil is obviously the most important part. It's made from olives harvested from monasteries on the Mount of Olives in Jerusalem. Jesus prayed there the day before he got crucified, and that's a good thing, apparently, so they used that. The oil for King Charles got declared to be officially holy oil during a ceremony in March at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, also in Jerusalem. And in a

Starting point is 00:16:46 new twist, they're using a formula that's vegan for the first time ever. Yeah, it used to contain something called ambergris, an absurdly expensive form of whale vomit, but not this year, so that's nice.

Starting point is 00:17:02 Hopefully the magic still works, but vegan, so cool. Yeah, but let's be fair here. If the vegan recipe works just as good, this will be a historical first. Yeah, I was going to say, maybe Charles heard all the memes about eating the rich, and he was like, okay, making myself taste vegan is a great

Starting point is 00:17:17 solution here. There's no way. I'm sure vegans taste better. Probably. Like grass fed. Yeah. Just for the record, I could keep going with a bunch more very silly objects for a long time. Of course, the Coronation Bible is part of that list. But none of this matters

Starting point is 00:17:36 because it's all fake and royalty is stupid. That being said, watch a few clips of the ceremony if you get a chance. It's honestly, it's like a sketch comedy. It's very funny. Yeah, it looks like an elaborate punishment

Starting point is 00:17:48 for like mid-century buggery. Yeah, right, right. And in victimless crime news, as theocrats seize ever more control of the American government, I think it's important to periodically remind our listeners what the end game looks like here. And for that, we need to look no further

Starting point is 00:18:04 than the world's largest theocracy, Iran, where two men were just executed for blasphemy over their participation in a group chat called Critique of Superstition and Religion. The two men, Yusuf Murad and Sardala Fazelizari, were arrested in May of 2020 and spent months in solitary confinement, unable to contact their families. Yeah. And that chat did not need to have any content. You just name that chat and you get side tackled five seconds later by theocracy critiquing itself for you.

Starting point is 00:18:34 You don't do anything. So first of all, thanks to the listener who sent us this story at scathingnews at gmail.com and asked me not to use his name since, you know, he could be executed for sending us the f*cking story okay i feel like noah chose this story so i'd feel weird doing my usual interruption with a silly gif but it's not gonna work no illusions possum nipples coming your way buddy big box marked atheist snips look out for it that's not gonna happen scathing news at gmail.com but yeah iran's judiciary confirmed the executions through their Mizan news agency, though it's still unclear exactly when they happened.

Starting point is 00:19:13 Officially, the two were charged with insulting the Prophet Muhammad and promoting atheism. Mizan also accused them of burning a copy of the Quran. But to be honest, it's not clear whether they're saying that these dudes actually burned a Quran or whether they shared an image of a burning Quran. And given the credibility of the Iranian judiciary, it's honestly not clear that they did either of those things. Yeah, hard to do that

Starting point is 00:19:34 on a message thread, too. Or maybe a link to it. I don't know. Burned it onto a CD, but they're still getting in big trouble. Now, it's worth noting that executions for blasphemy are actually pretty rare in Iran. Executions aren't. Iran is behind only China in worth noting that executions for blasphemy are actually pretty rare in Iran. Executions are. Iran is behind only China in total, a number of executions per year. And I believe they top the list actually on a per capita basis. But this number has ramped

Starting point is 00:19:53 up considerably since the eruption of anti-government protests in the wake of Masa Amini's murder at the hand of the state morality police last year. In 2022, Iran executed at least 582 people, up almost 75% from the year before. And as near as we can tell, they're on pace to top even that number in 2023. For comparison, the U.S., which I freely admit is barbaric in its use of the death penalty, executed 18 people. So Iran's beating our medieval asses by 32 times despite having a quarter of our population. And those are just the ones that we can verify. Anyway, you guys do comedy now again.

Starting point is 00:20:32 I was going to say, what a setup. There's possum nipples in there. There were possum nipples. Coming your way. And in singularly stupid news, one of the things that never gets tiring about this job here at The Scathing Atheist is the stupid sh*t Christians get offended by. And funnier still is the insane lengths they will go to retaliate to their imagined offenses. From burning Harry Potter books to blowing up Budweiser, there's always a new low for Christians to stoop to. And we got what may be the funniest one of the year to date

Starting point is 00:21:07 when an angry Christian removed the S from the sign for the Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Because there's only one God. Yes, exactly. Love this. They're almost done after a bunch of chiseling. Helper guy's like, wait, wait, couldn't we just make a f*cking apostrophe before the S?

Starting point is 00:21:30 Well, right. Oh, damn it. Yeah, because we're not talking about them stealing the S off of a reader board. This was literally carved into stone, so they had to chisel the S out. This is not a quick swipe with some spray paint here. Yeah. the ass out. This is not a quick swipe with some spray paint here. So for the indoors kids like myself who've never heard of this thing, the Garden of the Gods is a

Starting point is 00:21:51 1,341.3 acre park in Colorado, 862 acres of which was made a landmark in 1971. And it's called that, at least according to Wikipedia, because one of the surveyors who mapped it in 1859, Melikakhtan S. Beach, suggested that it would be, quote, a capital place for a

Starting point is 00:22:15 beer garden. And his companion, the young Rufus Cable, is what Wikipedia calls him, awestruck by the impressive rock formations, exclaimed, quote, beer garden, why it is a fit place for the gods to assemble. We will call it the garden of the gods, end quote. And so, yeah, pretty much since that moment, Christians have been losing their goddamn minds about that

Starting point is 00:22:40 because they, you know, lack the humor and acceptance of people from 1859 right yeah yeah they're a little more prudish i god jesus wait till they find out capital reef isn't a capital or a reef they're gonna get f*cking carpal tunnel from all the chiseled liars and i know what you're thinking come on now eli you can't hold the actions of one wackadoo against all Christians. But first of all, yes, I can. Don't tell me what to do. Two, it's in their book. But three, and this is my favorite.

Starting point is 00:23:12 This is not the first time that this has happened this year. Yes. This parks operations administrator, Brett Tennis, said that this isn't the first time this has happened and that it's likely linked to a lengthy pattern of similar vandalism cases in the park, which I am dying to know more details. OK, my favorite part is that they chiseled off the letter S in the shape of a letter S. Right. They didn't even square it. They didn't do anything. The big sign is still very clearly saying Garden of the Gods, just with like a different font for the last letter

Starting point is 00:23:48 now. Or maybe Garden of the God 8, sort of. Yeah. Right. Well, it's clear just looking at this thing that at first the dude just chiseled out exactly the ass and he thought, well, f*ck, that doesn't work. I guess I'm going to have to chisel out them chisel marks too. Wait a minute, that still didn't work.

Starting point is 00:24:04 Now it's God 8. Can we make it a really big one now? This is going to have to chisel out them chisel marks too. Wait a minute. That still didn't work. God. Now it's God eight. Can we make it a really big one now? This is going to take forever. Now it's my username on Hotmail. What's happening? Either way, heads up for the Christian who did the vandalism listening. We know you're listening. First of all, he's a big fan.

Starting point is 00:24:20 If your God is defeated by pluralization, not powerful or all-knowing no especially if he's supposed to be the only god that would be like heath freaking out because they called him heaths and right not with an apostrophe though so uh yeah when you're running solo you and your followers don't need to prove it by defaming national landmarks i guess is what i'm saying and that note, we're going to pause for a word from this week's second sponsor, Zip Recruiter. I mean, you could email them again. I've sent like 10 emails. Hey, guys. What you doing?

Starting point is 00:24:55 Oh, hey, Noah. So Eli and I hired a graphic designer off of one of those websites to make us a logo for Jell-O Fresh. You're still doing Jell-O Fresh? Dreams don't die. No illusions. They don't die. Anyway, we paid him like two weeks ago, and he hasn't gotten back to us. Look, guys, if you're looking to hire in the right way, why don't you try ZipRecruiter? What's ZipRecruiter? Whether you're starting a new business or growing one, if you want to be successful, you need the most talented people on your team. That's where ZipRecruiter comes in. And right now you can

Starting point is 00:25:27 try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash scathing. I don't know, Noah. How does that work? ZipRecruiter's powerful matching technology finds highly qualified candidates for a wide range of roles. Got your eye on one or two people you'd think would be perfect for your job? ZipRecruiter lets you send them a personal invite so they're more likely to apply. ZipRecruiter also offers attention-grabbing labels that speak to job flexibility, like remote, training provided, urgent, and more, to really help your job stand out.

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Starting point is 00:26:10 ZipRecruiter.com slash scathing. Again, that's ZipRecruiter.com slash S-C-A-T-H-I-N-G. ZipRecruiter. The smartest way to hire. All right. Thanks, Noah. So, any Jell-O customers yet? No, but a lot of product loss.

Starting point is 00:26:27 I was hungry. Yeah, like a lot. And thirsty or whatever. Yeah, because witches. A man wrote the Bible. A horse, which one? If it's a legitimate race. It's a slu*t, right?

Starting point is 00:26:38 Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This week in Masajid. Okay, so let's be clear up front that everybody misses $5 million. You never get so goddamn rich you don't notice $5 million flying out the door, even when you're getting Putin-level kickbacks. But something tells me the $5 million award isn't the thing that most pisses Trump off about the E. Jean Carroll case. So let me back up and fill in the details here. Back in 2019, author and former cable news host E. Jean Carroll came forward to say that Trump raped her back in the 90s. He said she was full of sh*t, so she sued him for defamation.

Starting point is 00:27:16 The trial took place over the last couple of weeks, and it was filled with the exact same disgusting bullsh*t that you come to expect when you follow any rape trial. But it turns out that E. Jean Carroll was a hell of a witness in her own defense. And when Trump's lawyers started that, well, why didn't you scream bullsh*t? She shut him down in a way that echoed through the media for days. Well, we got the verdict on Tuesday and it was pretty much exactly what we were hoping for. While the jury stopped short of saying that Carroll proved Trump raped her, they did say that the preponderance of evidence was that he sexually assaulted her. And let's face it, some of the evidence was to access Hollywood tape where he brags about how often he sexually assaults women. So I don't think that was a very hard case to make.

Starting point is 00:27:59 The jury also found that he defamed her when he denied the charges which amped up the punitive damages quite a bit to the tune of about five million dollars all told that is five million bucks he has to pay her of course trump has vowed to appeal the verdict and he'll probably do it because he's too f*cking stupid to realize that five million dollars is a small price to pay to get the that time trump provably sexually assaulted someone story out of the daily f*cking news cycle before we get any further into the presidential campaign. And from what I can tell, he's not particularly likely to win the appeal either. And even if he does, we'll all still know that a jury looked at the evidence and decided it was clear that Trump sexually assaulted a woman. What's more, a bunch of rich rapey dudes were just put on notice that even 30 years later,

Starting point is 00:28:48 their crimes could come back and take a $5 million bite out of their futures. Anyway, I know this is a show about atheism and I know Noah just did a diatribe about mission drift, but this news was too good not to revel in for a minute. So on that unusually happy note, I'll wrap things up and hand you back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli.

Starting point is 00:29:09 Thank you, Lucinda. And in putting the corrupt in bankrupt news, the Diocese of Oakland is filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, but damn, are their cemeteries perpetually maintained. This comes, as I'm sure will shock you to your very core, in response to a spate of new child sex abuse cover-up lawsuits that were enabled by a recent California law extending the statute of limitation on such cases. Because the alternative is having a finish line for child rapists encoded into law. Anyway, California Assembly Bill 218, which the diocese

Starting point is 00:29:42 names in their bankruptcy filing, took effect in January of 2020. And since then, no fewer than 330 new lawsuits arose surrounding the fact that the Diocese of Oakland is a child rape factory first and a religious institution second. Yeah. And I love that they were like, well, I hope you're happy, California lawmakers. Your child rape punishment law has driven us out of business yeah and california is like yeah that was the point yeah no no i should note here that there are plenty of good reasons for a bankruptcy judge to just reject the filing according to dan mcnevin with the survivors network for those abused by priests or snap they did a financial assessment

Starting point is 00:30:21 of the oakland diocese back in 2004 and found that it controlled over a billion dollars worth of real estate and carried no debt. And we're talking about f*cking California real estate. So, you know, it's gone up in value since 2004. Bay Area, like the most expensive place. Right. So, Snap estimates that the diocese has between three and four billion dollars in real estate holdings right now. So unless those cases come to better than nine million dollars a piece, that's not enough to bankrupt these motherf*ckers. Those cases should cost them more than that, but I'm sure they won't.

Starting point is 00:30:55 Right, exactly. But it's worth emphasizing here that this isn't just about saving money. The Vatican is literally made of f*cking gold. They've got money. The goal here is to avoid trial if these cases are adjudicated the diocese will have to present records to the court to show internal documents that remind us how brazen and callous they were about this sh*t and to remind us how high up the food chain the culpability really goes quoting mcnevin here talking about

Starting point is 00:31:21 the common tactic of these preventative bankruptcies, quote, It's usually about preventing access to files and to secrets and embarrassing facts around how the abuse was enabled by bishops and chancellors and vicar generals, end quote. Okay, we need to address how the Catholic Church is organized like independent sleeper cells in a terrorist organization at this point. Right. The legal system acts like they're not all connected to the Vatican. We know they are. If one cell goes bankrupt, sue the f*cking Vatican. Or just go there and take their Nazi gold that we know they have. What are we waiting for?

Starting point is 00:31:54 Has the Catholic Church considered firing Tucker Carlson? I hear that works when you got a big... Honestly, probably. Now, of course, as I'm sure the listeners have already guessed, there's no scenario where the diocese has to actually just fold up, shop, and go home. Because look, if they were avoiding accountability by selling all their assets and then having to f*ck off Rome, I'd grudgingly accept that as an overall good and a victory.

Starting point is 00:32:18 But they make clear even in their filing that this arm and this leg and this torso over here, the diocese are actually a totally different entity that wouldn't be affected by this bankruptcy or by the lawsuits. They actually say in their press release about all of this sh*t that their employees will still be getting their paychecks regardless and that all the schools they run will continue to operate without interruption. But then again, this is the same press release that says they came to this decision because it was, quote, the best way to ensure a fair and equitable outcome for abuse survivors, end quote.

Starting point is 00:32:48 So, it's not like I've got that sh*t on good authority or anything. Right, yeah. Don't want the money to go to their heads. This is for them that we're doing this. And finally tonight, Jesus and the apostles were definitely

Starting point is 00:33:04 f*cking. Or they weren't it doesn't matter but if you're a right-wing christian lunatic it matters so goddamn much these people talk about what would jesus do all the time and it's all made up they just claim he was into whatever to suit their sh*tty politics thing at the moment but if somebody else talks about what jesus would do they have a meltdown. And that's what happened last week when some artwork was displayed at the European Parliament building.

Starting point is 00:33:32 In the words of Pink News, the piece that led to the meltdown is depicting Jesus being surrounded by quote, leather-clad muscle daddies. Yeah, I mean, honestly, they should take it as a compliment that Jesus had such an attractive group of muscle daddies, if anything. Yeah, I mean, honestly, they should take it as a compliment that Jesus had such an attractive group of muscle daddies, if anything. Yeah, really

Starting point is 00:33:47 nice looking group of apostles. Muscle daddy apostles. Yes. So the artist is Elizabeth Olsen, not the Scarlet Witch, a different one. That we know of. Okay, fair point. She's a Swedish photographer who happens to be lesbian. And according

Starting point is 00:34:03 to her, the work is showing Jesus Christ loving LGBTQ plus rights, which sounds like exactly what Jesus would do. I'm just guessing, though, because he's mostly made up in books and f*cks a tree to death at one point, I think. So it's hard to follow his headspace. But I feel like he would not try to shut down an art exhibition because some leather enthusiast guys are hugging him in a picture. Nonetheless, Christian bigots are trying to shut down the exhibit. In response, Olsen pointed out the millions of paintings by famous artists that show Jesus lovingly surrounded by hetero people. Right. And some of those are super sexual. by hetero people.

Starting point is 00:34:41 Right. And some of those are super sexual. Right. Well, yeah, let's be clear. There is nothing sexual about this picture. Everybody's dressed.

Starting point is 00:34:50 Nobody's squeezing anybody's co*ck. Everybody's keeping their tongues to themselves. It's literally just Jesus with gay people and that's what they're freaking out about.

Starting point is 00:34:59 Yeah. Right. Also worth noting that if they were squeezing his co*ck or washing his feet in slow motion like perverts,

Starting point is 00:35:04 the painting would be more biblical, not yeah they're right right in the book yeah dick his foot a lot of washing feet yeah so according to the right-wing politicians having a freak out the photo is vulgar disrespectful and blasphemous one particular bigot MEP Maria Veronica Rossi of Italy's far right mega party said the leather apostles are quote sadomasoch*stic slaves now in fairness one guy is wearing a chain going to a wrist shackle but he could easily be a top with the lord and savior we don't know or he just wears that stuff and they have a balanced power dynamic when they f*ck. Again, we just don't know.

Starting point is 00:35:48 You're speculating. Well, besides, according to Jesus, it's okay to have sadomasoch*stic slaves as long as they get up once every 24 hours or whatever.

Starting point is 00:35:57 Yeah. Read your Paul, Maria. Also, read your Timothy and quit your job. No, that too. All that stuff. And just for context, the bigots are freaking out about an exhibition that's

Starting point is 00:36:07 happening in a non-public wing of the building. Right. And the only people who can see it are members of European Parliament who get a special permit to do so. And of course, who choose to do so. Now, I know it might sound like the EU was forcing conservative

Starting point is 00:36:24 Christians to view the exhibit or get kicked out of Europe. Turns out that's not what they were doing. Bottom line, if Jesus ever comes back, he's going to hate Christianity. Like, he might sue for name and likeness. Like, they're really f*cking up his name with that.

Starting point is 00:36:39 Alright, well, now we have a wacky courtroom comedy to draft, so we're going to close the headlines for the night. Eli, thanks as always. Jumanji. And when we come back, we'll find out what Dennis Prager is doing instead of being allowed to see his grandchildren. Hey. Hey.

Starting point is 00:37:01 Hey, podcast listener. As we mentioned at the beginning of the show, it's Matreon. That time of the year when we come to you, hat in hand, and ask you for money. And as of this recording, hundreds of you have already done that. But what if it was thousands? Thousands, exactly, Noah. If we have 1,000 new or upgrading patrons this month, I will legally change my name to Keith Enright.

Starting point is 00:37:24 And if 2,000 of you pledge or upgrade your pledge, I'll change my baby's name to Heath Enright. We're always blown away by what our listeners manage to come up with when we fundraise, but name changing amounts of money is a goal that we have yet to hit. So head over to matreon.com, that's M-A-Y-T-R-E-O-N.com or pledge or upgrade to make your dreams come true. But it's not just that. By supporting the show on Patreon,

Starting point is 00:37:50 you'll be helping us make these shows possible, make new shows like D&D Minus possible. Which I should point out started as a Matreon goal. It did and much, much more. So one more time, head over to any of our Patreon accounts or just check out Matreon.com to give us your money, please.

Starting point is 00:38:06 Matreon, do your part and there could be a lot of legal paperwork in our future. Even granting that they ban books from libraries, label teachers as groomers for acknowledging LGBTQ people, and say that arming teachers is better than passing common sense gun laws, you could argue that the most disrespectful thing that conservatives ever did to schools was adding the U to PragerU. So we're diving back into the cesspool of conservative YouTube once again in this week's God Awful Mini. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched Don't Trust Your Conscience, which sounded honestly like good advice for the

Starting point is 00:38:58 audience at PragerU, but it's not. They did it wrong. They did the wrong angle. And Eli, how bad was this mini? Well, if you love the bizarre worldview of Prager University, but you're mad they haven't taken on thoughts yet, you will love this YouTube video. All right.

Starting point is 00:39:20 So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah, I'm going to go with best worst adding text to your video. Dennis Prager kept forgetting to leave space for the words he wanted to put up on the screen. So they had to violently change the camera angle each time to move his entire body to the side of the frame to then have text next to him. It was like he was getting muscled out constantly by the text. Yeah. It was just like.

Starting point is 00:39:49 All right. So I'm going to obviously we'll save this for the end, but I'm going to go with best worst solution. Yeah, for sure. Right. When it comes time to the like, well, you know, what should I do about this? It falls flatter than anything has ever fallen before. Oh, I thought you were talking because he talks about the Holocaust in there.

Starting point is 00:40:05 And I was like, all right. Yeah. Final solution. Cool. And I'm going to go with best worst example. We'll talk. It's like a one-off sentence in one of his many examples

Starting point is 00:40:18 of why conscience is a bad idea. But it's truly a nonsense statement, right? He might as well say, well, then why is there air? Right on. I don't know which one you mean. I know it's a trick. I'll point it out when it comes.

Starting point is 00:40:32 I'll get there. It's a teaser. There are definitely multiple contenders for that. All right. So, yeah. So the opening bit, the opening premise of this video is I'm going to debunk the very concept that you should let your conscience be your guide. Yeah. Lots of people say you should be ethical. However, that's how it is. That's not great. Yeah. Well, that is a prerequisite to doing PragerU, I'm sure. Yeah. Finally, Dennis

Starting point is 00:40:59 Prager is coming out against that liberal cuck, Jiminy Cricket. Right. He goes, you know, through most of human history, we accepted the conscience wasn't enough and we needed God and God based moral instruction to get us through. And I'm like, yeah, how were our morals back then, man? Yeah. Well, he's talking about Western history. He specifically says that. He's like Western history says you need a God to be moral. I was like, OK, what else does Western history say, Dennis? Did you want to mention any other stuff from that?

Starting point is 00:41:29 Yeah. On that point that your conscience isn't a good moral guide for your whole life. It's like, yeah, that's super obvious to most people, Dennis. That's like saying how hungry you are isn't the best way to diagnose medical conditions. Yeah. are isn't the best way to diagnose medical conditions yeah but the point is the way what he misses the whole time is that what you need to be a good person is a good conscience what you need to be a good person and yet get behind the idea of burning heretics is a conscience and then another thing which is of course god-based rules yeah judeo-christian god-based rules yeah very very much so yeah so he's like

Starting point is 00:42:08 you know the idea that conscience is all you need is a byproduct of modern secular society and they're pretty irrational here's a list of other irrational things that secular people would have you believe what a weird start to this point the whole like having a conscience problem was caused by modern secular society and he's trying to fight against that and now he has examples yeah right just out of the f*cking blue he's like say if you think that secular people are are smart well why do they think dot dot dot and his first one is there is no discussion he's not going to sneak some transphobia into he's like the first one is that men give birth they do dumb example yep just like a thing that happens man that we can watch happen his second example is the idea that western civilization these are his words western civilization is no better than any other

Starting point is 00:43:01 white people aren't the best at everything yeah correct that's correct but but any other like there's literally no civilization that anyone thinks is worse okay all right yeah in the words of former president barack obama go on yeah right and then he adds if you're colorblind you're racist that's his final example of irrational things that secular people believe no f*cking i i have to assume that this is from his i don't see color spiel that he gives when people ask why he doesn't work with black people right yeah well and again like the whole like oh well i'm colorblind is f*cking insane no one's's colorblind. And even if you mean it in the folksy, like, I treat folks like folks things,

Starting point is 00:43:49 that would be like, I don't need no wheelchair ramp. I don't see wheelchairs. Right. Yes, exactly. But yeah, but then he explains to us that the problem is

Starting point is 00:43:59 that the conscience is easy to manipulate, unlike biblical rules, right? You can't imagine someone manipulating that stuff. He goes, it's as malleable as putty. And I wrote in my notes, oh my God, he had to include that because

Starting point is 00:44:15 his dumbass audience doesn't know what malleable means. It makes me so happy. You know, putty lacks squishy squish, and we actually hear some squishy squish noises here. And we see a visual of putty like squishy squish. And we actually hear some squishy squish. Yes. And we see a visual of putty.

Starting point is 00:44:28 We also see this. I think it's supposed to be puppets caught in strings visual, but it looks like people like assaulted by a spaghetti wielding giant. No, he's like, yeah, the reality is a puppeteer manipulates your conscience with strings that in my graphic, he apparently forgot to untangle and he's having a lot of trouble pushing the knot down like four nintendo 64 controllers right right yeah exactly and he's like but think about all the people the evil people throughout history that did things that they thought like that they resolve with their conscience and he gives again he has a list of examples he goes like nazis communists and islamic terrorists

Starting point is 00:45:10 why would you mention the nazis and the islamic terrorists there you had other ones without you know the religion directly built into how horrible it was just use those yeah really right no i i love though that he specifically excluded christian and jewish terrorists because he knows his audience yes exactly i also just i have to love that he goes and this was my best worst he goes why doesn't conscience stop people from doing evil things and i was like i mean it it does dennis some that's what the word is right it's not not all the time okay but the point is he's saying there's the problem of evil therefore the omnipotent creator of the universe who made evil is what you should believe in that's that's where he's going with this where that

Starting point is 00:45:59 really is like there are a lot of parts of this where my my notes are just do you guys think maybe he legit doesn't know what the word conscience means he's claiming secular morality is prone to manipulating people and then he makes that point about the problem of evil he's very very confused for a university professor i would say yeah i wrote in my notes when he said that to be clear that sentence is so stupid i don't know what it could mean. Right. Right, well, yeah, and then he follows that dumb sh*t up with the thing where he says, like, you know,

Starting point is 00:46:31 your conscience doesn't produce your feelings and behaviors. Your feelings and behaviors produce your conscience. What the f*ck are you even talking about? What the hell does that mean? He's like a sh*tty robot trying to make it through a traffic stop how do i emotions i'm glad you asked from my brain flesh yeah and he's saying every evil person has a clear conscience that's kind of the point he's trying to make but like uh no that's just you dennis prager what are you talking about well

Starting point is 00:47:05 yeah it surprises no one that f*cking Dennis Prager doesn't seem to be familiar with what it's like to have a conscience but yeah people are bad at math so we're getting rid of that we're doing religious class instead for all what are you talking about he's got this he's got this amazing moment there's a little graphic of a guy stealing, and there's a little thought bubble that says, they have insurance. And I think Dennis's point is that people who steal think what they're doing is right,

Starting point is 00:47:34 as long as the people they're stealing from have insurance. I wrote in my notes, tell on yourself less, Dennis. Tell on yourself less. Might as well be a cartoon of Dennisis being like i can make bullsh*t right wing videos what does it matter most of my listeners will be dead in a couple of years i love to he starts his next point by saying and here's another proof as though like some previous proof had been presented and we just missed it absolutely reject the premise of this but go ahead yeah proceed governor

Starting point is 00:48:05 yeah he's like consider that people on both sides of conflicts say that they're following their conscience and i'm like well yeah but one or the other of them has got some f*cking religion or political ideology f*cking with it though right because like over and over again he keeps presenting like things that are refuted by just adding right, but your conscience can be short-circuited by religion or political ideology is what happens. The first example he uses here is the Nazis. And I wrote in my notes, does Dennis Prager think the Nazis were going with a gut feeling? Right. Like Hitler woke up from a long night of weird dreams and was like, guys, I don't know about you, but I'm just like, I'm feeling like we gotta

Starting point is 00:48:45 cast some Jews. You know what I'm saying? Like, my heart tells me that. I'm gonna call them. No, he's like, yeah, take World War II, for example. I'm like, no, the Nazis knew they were baddies. I've seen the sketch, right? Also, he's saying the source of the absolute morality is

Starting point is 00:49:01 Judeo-Christian values in the Bible. Like, does he think Muslim people are really just phoning it in with the faith part and that's how you describe it? People on both sides think they're correct? No, they're faking it. And then we get, I think, probably the worst

Starting point is 00:49:18 animation in the whole thing because he's like, even the Japanese soldiers who raped Korean women did so with clear conscience. And I'm like, why would you think that? And also, by the way, when Americans were in Korea, we also raped Korean women. Our soldiers did too. It's weird that he would specify only the Japanese ones there.

Starting point is 00:49:38 Also, nobody was like, I actually feel great about this, just to be clear. I think this is... Right. Exactly. Guys, guys, this gang rape is ethical, right? Like secular ethical, right? This is super good. was like i actually feel great about this just to be clear i think this is right exactly guys this gang rape is ethical right like secular ethical right this is super fun yeah what am i supposed to do not have sex while i'm over here that would be crazy yeah exactly well and by the way yes there is a graphic and an accompanying crying korean woman in the background for this point yeah i like how they were like what's the classy way to show gang

Starting point is 00:50:05 rape? Yeah, right. Yeah. We don't want to scare off our listeners of grandmas and mentally ill grandpas. I also feel like Dennis Prager was like, you know, I've got all this audio of crying Korean women. I might as well put some I bought it on many vids. We must be able to use it in multiple ways.

Starting point is 00:50:23 But he's like, well, and you know what? I don't even need to resort to extreme examples like World War II. And I'm like, well, did you just want to talk about raping Korean women then? I just really needed an animation of a Korean rape. And I can't tell you why, because the doctor will put me back in the hospital. I really wanted it to be tax deductible. No, but then he's like, let's do a relaxed example. Abortion.

Starting point is 00:50:48 Right. And we'll talk about that now. Yes, we don't need extreme examples. Let's just take my stance on abortion. And I also I love that, like most pro-life people, he can't even state his position without admitting it's bullsh*t. Right. He's like a fetus is a human being that has a right to live subject to clauses A, B and C and paragraphs four and five, which we found didn't test well with our voters. Yeah. Give me a f*cking break. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:10 Honestly, if the Bible had like a random chapter in it that just said 30 weeks, wink. Trust me, this will make sense in 1973. I'd be a lot more impressed. Still wrong. But, you know, way more credible at that point. Yeah. No, exactly. more impressed still wrong but you know way more credible at that point yeah no exactly and again just just point out his point is nonsense because pro-choice people aren't following their

Starting point is 00:51:29 consciences right they're following larger societal morality really everyone has the initial gut reaction that abortion is bad that's why you hold up signs of gooey hands and not ideas we as a society go no man it's like a f*cking nickel in there. And we're like, oh, I didn't realize it was a nickel because I've never been inside a uterus. Thank you, agreed morality of society for saving me from Dennis Prager. Right, right, exactly.

Starting point is 00:51:56 Like, keep in mind, we also think that, like, we instinctively do that with things like autopsies and surgeries too. Right, dentistry. Well, and he's like, well, you know, both people on the pro-life and pro-choice side

Starting point is 00:52:07 are equally convinced that their conscience dictates their views. I'm like, well, I guess the problem couldn't be conscience then. What is the difference then between those two people

Starting point is 00:52:15 and how they determine their morality? I think we've isolated a variable, buddy. Yeah. Yeah. You want to talk about it? Also, cut.

Starting point is 00:52:23 Dennis, pro-choice people aren't secretly having the same amount of non-abortions as pro-life people so uh they're not equally acting on their consciences exactly right right but he doesn't need to resort to extreme examples like abortion just take his transphobia instead right because that's his next one he's like even people who mutilate girls by turning them into boys think that they're following their conscience like yeah wolf it's like he has a stopwatch going and he's like oh one minute left what else grinds my gears trans people what's the

Starting point is 00:52:56 deal with trans there we go check moving on all right it's time to present the two sides of the trans argument here you go dennis reasonable. They take a Atari Hanzo sword and they just find a girl and just cut off her nips and then they send them to people for sending in stories at scathingnews at gmail.com. Also,

Starting point is 00:53:17 I don't want them to do that. Those are the two sides of this issue. Right, yes. But yeah, but he ultimately concludes that conscience is just a euphemism for what I feel. And again, I'm like, then you fundamentally misunderstand what that word means because

Starting point is 00:53:33 you have no conscience. You're like a scientist trying to imagine what it's like to see through the eyes of a mantis shrimp or something. Also, that's not a euphemism. That's literally the definition in dictionary conscience is what you feel morally about something right the whole thing so he's like yeah so so now that we got rid of that pesky conscience what should we replace it with i'm like

Starting point is 00:53:57 oh i bet it's your religion isn't it i wrote that too i was like oh oh i bet it's what dennis thinks well but it's even dumber than that because his answer is a conscience right like correct me if i'm wrong but doesn't he goes like well now you can't trust your conscience so what do you use a better conscience exactly hit that like and subscribe button and replace that with your conscience there you go yeah trager you but your conscience has to be built a certain way, right? He gives you the four things that you have to base it on. The first is truth because lies are the mother of evil. I feel like the dad's somebody who's trying to convince you that they have lies that live in Canada.

Starting point is 00:54:35 You don't know that. He also has courage because good is impossible without it. No. Hey, Dennis, have you never just done a nice thing for free? That didn't require chivalry at the exact time. No zombies to fight my way through on the way to the soup kitchen.

Starting point is 00:54:55 So I was like, well, this is bullsh*t, obviously. And then, of course, you need God, but not some f*cking bullsh*t hippie God or Muslim one, right? The God of the goddamn f*cking Judeo Christian Bible. He specifies that.

Starting point is 00:55:10 Oh man, there goes the truth. Right. And the big question is why that God, Dennis and scene cut. Yeah, you're right. Get out of the sketch.

Starting point is 00:55:19 Well, but then he has a fourth f*cking thing and I could, you, I could give you a thousand chances to write down what you think it was. I bet you wouldn't get it because the thing that comes after God is reason. Huh. You also need reason. He says, because God without reason leads to fanaticism.

Starting point is 00:55:35 Well, yeah, no, it gets to where your kids won't even invite you to Thanksgiving anymore. But reason without God leads to moral chaos, insufficient transphobia for example i want so badly for him to explain that more no here's what happens right you're sitting there you're thinking of logical reasonable things and then you're like it's probably okay for me to f*ck the bread at sainsbury's and that's you know there's one okay But if you buy it and go home, it is okay to do that. Yes. No, it is. It is.

Starting point is 00:56:07 Now you've proved Dennis Prager correct. I hope you're happy. No, it's so funny because he's like, you know, it would lead to chaos. And I was like, like insufficient bigotry. And then he uses this example and it actually is insufficient. Like accepting trans people. Yeah. His literal like smug reposes unless of course

Starting point is 00:56:27 you think that men give birth and i'm just like yeah woof and then he he sums up everything he's like so so you can let your conscious be your guide as long as you agree with me right that's the that's the resolution yeah we are doing, but not like the f*cking thinky one from the dictionary. My one. My one. Old ghost. It's like when someone has a family card game

Starting point is 00:56:54 and they're like, here's the rules. And you're like, oh, f*ck, here we go. Okay. Yeah, right. Well, the good news and the bad news, I guess,

Starting point is 00:57:02 is that Dennis Prager has something like 1,700 more videos. So I'm sure we'll be seeing him again on a future installment of God Awful Minis. Before we hand things over to Morgan this week, I want to remind you one last time that there's no better time to pledge to us on Patreon than the month of May, because you might just make Heath do something hilariously embarrassing on camera. Just follow the link on the show notes. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister's host, Hot Friend Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 p.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister's host, I Taste You Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. at 7 Eastern on Tuesday and an even newer episode of Perhaps It's Your Soul Citation Needed debuting at noon Eastern

Starting point is 00:57:44 on Wednesday. Obviously, I wouldn't earn my supper if I neglected to thank Ethan Wright for being solid as a rock, Lucinda Lusions for being as sharp as scissors, and Eli Bosley for being as I don't know, flat and easy to write on as paper. I guess maybe for covering Heath. I don't know. I also want to thank Lackadaisical Poet for

Starting point is 00:57:59 providing this week's very succinct Farnsworth quote, but most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's most marvelous Matreon patrons. Stephen, Sean, other Stephen, Ben, Remy, Joe, Robert, David, ex-spouse of God, Heath, Enright's husband, Reason, Simo, Jamie, a pawn called Bishop, Mr. Roger Sweater, Sarah, Twisty Pretzel,

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Starting point is 00:58:29 lost husband, Reason, Simo, Jamie, Bishop, Mr. Rogers, Sweater, Sarah, and Pretzel, who are so sexy the sirens will meet him halfway to the boat. And Josh, word of the broad spinning plates, Alistair, Jason, Pegasaurus, Uninspired, Brian, Becky, and Kilgore, whose IQs are higher than I'm gonna have to get to make it through the damn day tomorrow, waiting for the f*cking Zelda game to drop. Together, Uninspired, Brian, Becky, and Killer, whose IQs are higher than I'm gonna have to get to make it through the damn day tomorrow,

Starting point is 00:58:45 waiting for the f*cking Zelda game to drop. Together, these 27 people, dinos, clothing items, fictional characters, spouses of fictional characters, Sisyphean tasks, and tasty snacks heard the cry of Matreon and sallied forth with their unwavering support this week. And if you, too, would like to march alongside our army, you can make a per-episode donation at

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